The Road To Forgiveness Read online

  I tell Miles about his grandma and Charlie. I explain, the best I can, that they’re no longer together. How much they miss him and how I plan on fixing their relationship. I don’t tell him about Kyle. I choose to believe Miles doesn’t know what’s going on with the man who helped bring him into this world and I don’t want to burden him with the details.

  “So your Grandma and I were thinking about going on a trip one weekend soon. We thought it might be nice to get away for a few days and spend some quality time together. What do you think about that Miles?” I laugh out loud thinking about what his reaction might be.

  “I know we’ll probably kill each other. The worst part is we don’t have you as a buffer. You always knew how to defuse our explosive conversations. All you had to do was come in, look innocent, and we would immediately forget what we were arguing about. Do you remember that one time I yelled at Grandma for feeding you ice cream for breakfast? You had just turned five and I had a horrible migraine so I was stuck in bed. Grandma let you spend the night so I could sleep the migraine off. The next morning, I come into her house and there you are, sitting on the couch with your ice cream in one hand and the remote in the other. I was so mad. I walked into the kitchen to find Grandma pulling a batch of brownies out of the oven. I immediately started yelling at her about how sugar is not breakfast and how you were going to be difficult for me all day because you were on a sugar high.

  “After a few minutes of arguing you came in the room calling my name. To this day I don’t remember what you were asking me. All I remember is your face covered in chocolate and ice cream all over the front of your pajamas. Your grandma and I laughed so hard. You were such an adorable sight to see.”

  I stop talking to Miles for a moment and just bask in the memory. When I look up I see a grounds keeper walking over my way, I look down at my watch and see that it’s after five. The cemetery is closed for the day.

  I start to stand up and wave my hand to the groundskeeper, signaling that I’m leaving. I stand up straight and look down at my son’s grave.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, buddy. I’ll come earlier since I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with you today. I Love you,” I say as I kiss my palm and place it on his gravestone.

  I turn towards the car and walk quickly to it. I hadn’t noticed the temperature drop as the sun went down but I was suddenly cold. I unlock Jonathon’s car and get in. I immediately start the car and turn the heat on low.

  I love his car. It’s not a luxury car like Sebastian would drive or a beater car like I would drive. It’s a nice black sedan with leather seats and a lot of upgrades but half the price of a Mercedes. I look around the cemetery one last time. I spot one other car close by but no one else out on the cemetery grounds. I pull out and pass the other vehicle just as they start to make a U-turn and pull out of the cemetery behind me.

  I head back to Jonathon’s place. I contemplate picking up something for dinner but then remember that we are ordering pizza tonight. We made that decision last night after ordering Chinese food. Once it was delivered we wished we ordered pizza instead.

  The drive to Jonathon’s isn’t to far. It takes me about twenty-five minutes at this time of day. I listen to one of the local radio station and jam out as the song switches to You Ain’t Alone by Alabama Shakes. I start to feel my nausea hit just as I pull into Jonathon’s apartment complex.

  I just started feeling morning sickness this week. It started one morning as I was making coffee. I pulled out the milk and started to pour it into Jonathon’s cup and the smell instantly made me sick. After I expelled my dinner from the night before I was fine, but then it happened again the next day and each day after. Although, I don’t know why they call it morning sickness when it seems to happen at all different times of the day.

  I step out of the car and head into the apartment building. I make it to Jonathon’s door and let myself in. I’m instantly hit with the smell of tomato sauce, spinach, and mushrooms. My favorite ingredients on a pizza.

  “Hey baby girl,” I hear Jonathon call from the next room. I close the front door behind me and set my purse and keys down on the table next to the door.

  “I didn’t know you ordered already. How do you know I didn’t change my mind and want something different from Alfonso’s?” Alfonso’s Pizza is the only pizza place in a thirty-mile radius that isn’t part of a chain or franchise. It’s also the best pizza. Alfonso came out here from Chicago and he brought Chicago Style Pizza with him. God shined down on our town that day he brought Alfonso into our lives.

  His voice is coming from the kitchen so I walk over as I hear him reply, “Don’t be smart with me. It doesn’t matter if you are here with me when I order or not. You always order the ‘Popeye’. That deep-dish spinach, mushroom, tomato, and five cheese crap makes you wet your panties thinking about it.”

  “Jonathon,” I gasp as I lay one of my hands over my heart.

  He rolls his eyes and turns away from me as he opens a cabinet in the kitchen to grab plates. “Don’t get your panties in a bunch, it was just a joke. Now let’s eat because I am starving. I survived on coffee and raw carrots all day just so I could pig out on pizza tonight.”

  I laugh at his comment as I head towards the fridge to grab us something to drink. As I open the fridge I hear a knock on Jonathon’s front door. I turn my head towards him as I raise my eyebrows.

  “Don’t look at me, I don’t know who it is.” Jonathan says as he starts to walk out of the kitchen. He turns back to me as he claps his hands together. “Oh, I know. It could be Alfonso’s delivering us another pizza. You know, like that episode of Friends where the cheesecake keeps being delivered to Chandler and Rachel’s neighbor’s apartment and then they keep stealing it and eating it and… oh, hell no is somebody going to come up and steal our pizza. I will go straight on his ass and put a hurt on him like no one has before. You don’t mess with somebodies pizza.”

  At this point I am bent over laughing so hard as Jonathon turns back around and leaves the kitchen to answer the door. When I finally can breath again, I grab two waters out of the fridge, silverware out of the drawers, and some napkins to bring out to the living room. We eat dinner every evening in the living room, usually while watching some crap reality television show. I don’t complain because it’s a nice distraction.

  I take two trips and carry everything over to the living room and set it on the coffee table. Jonathon is still at the front door so I walk over to see who it is. I hear Jonathon speaking in a low voice, arguing with the person on the other side of the door. I’m about to turn the corner when I freeze in place. I hear the other voice speaking in a low tone.

  I know that voice… I recognize that voice… It’s Sebastian.

  “I know she’s here. I followed her from the cemetery. I just need to talk to her for a minute.”

  The cemetery? Oh my God, Sebastian was at the cemetery.

  “Listen, she doesn’t want to speak to you right now. It’s not a good time. Maybe if you leave me your number I can call you when she’s ready,” Jonathon says in a calm voice. Sebastian’s voice is anything but calm.

  “She owes me an explanation. I just want to see her for a minute. I’m not leaving here until I do.”

  Oh God, not now. I can’t deal with this right now. I need him to go away. I need a little time to think before I talk to him.

  “I understand and I agree with you. She does owe you an explanation and believe it or not, I’m rooting for you. I like what she has told me about you but you need to give her time. I’m doing my best to get her to talk to you but you need to let her come to you. I’ll let her know you stopped by.”

  Traitor. Jonathon was a traitor. I could now put his name up there with Benedict Arnold and Judas.

  “I’m not leaving here until I talk to her. I’ve been in this fucking town for almost four weeks without any sign of her. I’m going crazy. Then today I finally see her so I follow her back here to talk to her. I’m not risking the
chance of Mia being gone tomorrow. I’m going to talk to her now and you’re going to let me.”

  I can almost here Jonathon’s anger start to come up. He doesn’t like being told what to do and it is probably killing him to have to hear Sebastian ordering him around.

  “I’m afraid you have no choice. You’re going to leave or I’m going to call the cops. It’s your choice but I have some pizza waiting on me, so I suggest you decide quickly.”

  Sebastian doesn’t hesitate. “Go ahead and call the cops. Nothing is going to get me to leave and I have confidence the cops aren’t going to arrest me.”

  Oh, for goodness sake. My feet move on their own accord and the next thing I know I’m turning the corner and standing right next to Jonathon. Sebastian is staring at me like he’s seen a ghost and Jonathon is looking at me with concern.

  I turn my head to Jonathon and look him in the eyes. “It’s okay, Jonathon. Can you give me a minute with Sebastian?”

  Jonathon looks back and forth between Sebastian and me before he nods his head and walks away. I watch him walk around the corner and slowly turn back to Sebastian.

  “Hi.” I can’t think of anything else to say to him at the moment.

  “Hi… Is that all you can say, hi? Hell, I’ve been so worried about you and all you can say is hi. Where the hell have you been? I’ve looked everywhere. I talked to your mom, pretty much everyone in your town, and no one knew where you were or if they did they weren’t telling me. And now I see you have been in the next town over this whole time.”

  He runs his hand through his hair and he looks exhausted. His eyes have dark circles underneath them and I see a light dusting of grey hair coming through on the sides of his head. His blue eyes aren’t as bright as usual and he looks like he’s lost a good twenty pounds. Even with all the physical changes, he still looks as breathtaking as ever. I’m only in his presence for a few seconds and I’m already mesmerized by him. I don’t speak. I can’t at this point.

  His harsh tone softens as he speaks again, “So are you going to explain yourself? I need to know why you left, Mia. I miss you, I love you, and I want you back. There is so much I have to tell you.”

  He takes a step towards me and into the doorway. I take a step back.

  “Can we do this some other time? I’m tired and my pizza is getting cold. I’ll call you,” I say timidly. I hope this does the trick and he decides to leave.

  “Mia, I’m not leaving until we talk. You’ve avoided me long enough. If this is truly over then at least have the decency to tell me to my face. Don’t be a fucking coward and avoid me the rest of your life.”

  His words sting a little. I know they shouldn’t. I know I deserve to hear what he is saying to me but I’m not ready to hear it.

  “I’m serious, Sebastian. I want to talk to you I just can’t tonight. Please, just give me one more night. We can talk tomorrow.”

  His hand reaches out for me and grabs onto my arm. He gently strokes my arm up and down as his eyes make contact with mine. I had forgotten just how beautiful his eyes are. He could solve every crisis in the world with just one look.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” His concern for me is almost too overwhelming. I need him to be mean and unreasonable. I can handle that. I can’t handle sweet and concerned Sebastian right now.

  “I’m okay. I just need one more night,” I say as I remove his hand from my arm. I instantly feel colder without the connection.

  “Okay,” he sighs as he takes a step back. “I guess I can give you one more night. We can meet up sometime tomorrow. Do you still have my number?”

  “Yeah… I’ve got it. I’ll call you tomorrow.” We stare at each other for a moment before Sebastian takes a step forward and leans in. He wraps his arms around my upper body and pulls me into a hug. My arms lay limp at my sides. I don’t know what to do. It feels so good to have his arms around me but I also know I shouldn’t be allowing this to happen.

  His arms squeeze me a little tighter as his lips brush against my ear. “I’ve missed you so much,” he whispers.

  I feel my entire body start to tremble from the feeling of his warm breath on my naked neck. Before I have time to react he releases me from his hold and steps back into the hallway.

  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. While you are taking this last night to yourself, just remember how much I love you. I’ve never stopped.” With that he turns his neck to me and walks down the hallway.

  I close the door and lean my back into it. I close my eyes and take deep breaths; I’m still trying to process what just happened. I try and separate the facts in my head. Sebastian came to Georgia for me. Sebastian’s been here for four weeks. Sebastian still loves me. It may not seem like a lot but it’s a lot for me to take in at the moment.

  When I open my eyes Jonathon is standing there with a smirk on his face.

  “If you don’t go back to him then I might have to plead my case and hope he takes me. That man is capital D-licious. Completely swoon worthy. I need a cold shower just from the sound of his voice.”

  I slap him hard on the chest. “That’s seriously gross Jonathon and I can’t believe you were listening. That was a private conversation.”

  “If it was meant to be a private conversation then you shouldn’t have had it in front of an open door for the whole apartment complex to hear. You can’t blame me for listening. When an Adonis like that knocks on your door, you stay for the show.”

  I chuckle at his reference and take a step away from the front door. “Let’s eat because this baby inside of me is starving.”

  “Is that how this is going to work? You’re going to eat like a pig and blame it on the baby.”

  “Hey, it worked the first time.”

  We both laugh and make our way to the living room. We eat our dinner in comfortable silence as we watch our reality television smut. He doesn’t bring up Sebastian again and I’m grateful. We end the night around eleven and I pull out the couch to sleep on while Jonathon retreats to his bedroom. I try to get a good night sleep because starting tomorrow, Operation Avoid Sebastian starts.

  Chapter Three

  I woke up this morning with a headache and the need to vomit. I rush to the toilet and dry heave for ten minutes, rinse my mouth out, brush my teeth, gargle, and leave the bathroom. I head back to the sofa bed just as Jonathon rushes past me. He is dressed casually in a t-shirt, jeans, and Nike tennis shoes. His hair is still wet from showering and his eyes still have bags underneath them.

  “You’re in a hurry. It’s Saturday morning, where you off to so early?”

  “I’ve got a hiking date with that guy, Dan, I met last week. He said to meet him at nine so I’m running a late.”

  I follow him into the kitchen as Jonathon grabs his keys off the counter.

  “Who chooses to hike on a first date anyway?” he says to me with a disgusted look on his face.

  “Apparently, Dan does. Why are you wearing Jeans? Shouldn’t you be in something a little more comfortable?”

  “Mia, this is as casual as I will get in public. It will be fine.”

  He bends down to give me a kiss on the cheek and starts to leave. I follow him to the front door.

  “If you don’t hear from me by tonight, call 911.” He says with a laugh as he closes the front door. I turn away and head over to my phone that’s sitting on the coffee table. I want to see my mom today and visit Miles but I have to make a phone call first.

  I scroll down my contacts list and hit the call button when I find his name. It rings a few times before going to voicemail.

  “This is Charlie. Leave a message if you want me to get back to you.”

  Beep.

  “Hey Charlie, it’s Mia, again. Please give me a call back. I’m still in Georgia and staying with Jonathon. I… I really need to talk to you. I miss you and… you’re the only one who can understand some of what I’m going through. I feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t know… Do you ever feel that way? I know you probably don’
t want to talk to me. It’s my fault everything happened that day and I could never tell you how truly sorry I am that you were involved. That you now have this misplaced guilt when you shouldn’t. It wasn’t your fault.

  “Thanks for keeping up the mortgage for me. I still haven’t been by the house. I don’t think I could ever live there again so it’s yours when you’re ready. I don’t want it anymore. Well… I hope to hear from you really soon. I might just have to take a trip up to Chicago and see you if I keep getting the silent treatment. I… I love you, Charlie. I just thought you should know. Bye.”

  I click the end button and put the phone back on the coffee table. I’ve been leaving Charlie messages for weeks but still haven’t heard back from him. That was one thing I didn’t expect when I came back to Georgia. I was looking forward to seeing Charlie because he always helped with the tension between my mom and me. I never expected he wouldn’t be here anymore.

  I go into the bathroom and take a quick shower. I leave my hair wet and pull it up into a bun on top of my head. I throw on my underwear, bra, a pair of skinny jeans and a low cut blue sweater. I had Jonathon stop by my house when I first got here and pick up some of my old clothing.

  I grab my keys and purse and leave the apartment for the day. I’m so lucky Jonathon has two vehicles. I still don’t understand why he does but it worked out perfectly for me when I came back to town. I don’t have to worry about him chauffeuring me around.

  I make the twenty-minute drive to my mom’s house and park on the curb. I walk up the brick walkway and enter the house. I don’t need a key because no one in this town locks their doors, including my mother.

  “Hello,” I say as I step into the foyer of my mother’s three-bedroom ranch.

  “I’m in here, darling.”