Levi Read online

  Watching her leave after telling her something so incredibly personal about myself was hard. I'm still questioning why I felt so compelled to tell her I'm refraining from sex. It's hard for me to open up to people and let them in. The only people who know anything about my life are Laura and Brody, but even they know only bits and pieces. Kendall is the only person who knows I'm not sexually active, and oddly I don't regret it.

  I like her. I can admit that to myself, even if I know these feelings will never lead to anything more. I admire her, too. She puts herself out there–always knowing rejection is a possibility. That takes a lot of courage and vulnerability. She'll never know how much it kills me to have to turn her down. My body craves her. I'll have to settle with having her in my dreams because there is no possible way I can have her when I'm awake.

  Most days I have no regrets about the promise I made to myself five years ago, but tonight I wish I was a little selfish and broke that promise. It's been so long since I've done something for myself. So long since I allowed myself to have some fun and enjoy the pleasure and comfort a woman could bring me. I wish I had less self-control because I would love to have Kendall give me some comfort tonight.

  But my actions have consequences and I'm not just making decisions for myself anymore.

  I finish up the rest of my shift less focused than normal as I replay those last few minutes with Kendall over and over in my brain. One day soon she'll be offering some other guy what she offered me tonight and that's the thought that stings. Some other guy is going to be able to taste her, feel her underneath him, listen to her sounds as he makes her come. She will fall asleep in his arms and wake up in his bed and there's nothing I'll be able to do about it.

  That day will suck.

  Why am I thinking like this? Why do I feel this way? She’s not the first woman to hit on me in the last five years and she won't be the last. I've turned each one down gently, never once wishing I couldn't. I know what my focus needs to be on and never once did it feel like a true sacrifice until Kendall.

  The very little I know about her intrigues me. I look forward to those few minutes I spend with her each night as I walk her out of the office. The sound of her voice puts a little pep in my step. Over the past year I've seen her laugh, cry, and everything in between, and I've had to watch it all from the sidelines–never getting too close. I can't risk developing true feelings.

  Maybe I do need to get laid. Maybe I'm so charmed by her because it's been so long since I've been with a woman. Kendall is right. It makes sense, and one night of passion with her won't really be breaking the promise I made to myself. Five years ago, I made the decision to be abstinent because I let my playboy ways come before doing the responsible thing. I was thinking with my dick and not my brain. I'm smart enough not to make that mistake again. If I sleep with Kendall it could just be a way for us to explore this sexual attraction. It will give me a chance to get her out of my system, and this time I'll be smart enough to keep the hook-up away from my apartment.

  Playing with the idea in my head only makes me want her more.

  Deep down I know this fantasy can't come to fruition because Kendall isn't a quick fuck. If I give into temptation, a night with her won't be enough and I'm not prepared for anything more than one night.

  Chapter Seven

  Kendall: I'm home safe. Driver's name is Creed. He was super apologetic during the ride home. Good job intimidating him.

  Levi: Glad to hear I don't have to hunt him down. Too tired to kick some ass tonight.

  Kendall: Late night hours too much for you?

  Levi: You have no idea.

  ***

  Kendall: Hope you got some sleep. Just want to thank you again for coming to my defense last night.

  Levi: I think he learned his lesson. You don't mess with one of my friends and get away with it.

  Kendall: We're friends now?

  Levi: Too soon? How about acquaintances?

  Kendall: Ugh. That's too formal. How about friendly-ish coworkers?

  Levi: Nope. Hate it.

  Kendall: Frenemy.

  Levi: Do you hate me that much? Mates.

  Kendall: You're awful at this. I could be your sidekick. You know since I was by your side when you threatened to kick that guy's ass. I'm the Robin to your Batman.

  Levi: More like the Tinkerbelle to my Peter Pan.

  Kendall: The Buffy to my Willow.

  Levi: Willow was a powerful witch. Some say she was more badass than Buffy.

  Kendall: Damn right! You’re the Mario to my Luigi.

  Levi: The Rhoda to my Mary.

  Kendall: Hey, I'm the Mary.

  Levi: Let's not do this...Romy.

  Kendall: Okay, Michele. Got to say I'm impressed with your pop culture references. You're a Buffy fan and a Romy and Michele fan.

  Levi: When you don't date and abstain from sex, you have time to watch TV. I love watching a woman that can make me laugh and badass chicks are just more entertaining to watch. So what did we decide?

  Kendall: About what?

  Levi: Our relationship. Are we friends?

  Kendall: I like the idea of being your sidekick better but sure, we can be friends.

  ***

  Levi: I'm watching Scooby-Doo and we're definitely Scooby and Shaggy.

  Kendall: I swear men never grow up. You could be doing something much more productive than watching a cartoon.

  Levi: Nope, it's the perfect background noise while I cook dinner.

  Kendall: You cook?

  Levi: Almost every night.

  ***

  Kendall: Thanks for walking me out tonight.

  Levi: It’s my job. I do it every night.

  Kendall: True but now that we have a texting relationship I thought I should let you know.

  Levi: Is this a bad time to tell you you're not the only person I've texted today?

  Kendall: You text cheated on me!!! This is unforgivable.

  Levi: I'm sorry. I have a problem. I'm a textaholic.

  Kendall: How many others are there?

  Levi: You don't want to know this. It will only hurt you.

  Kendall: I need to know. It's the only way we can get past the cheating and move forward.

  Levi: Okay.

  Levi: I've texted my boss, a couple of guys at work, Brody, Laura, my neighbor across the hall, and my landlord.

  Kendall: Wow. It's worse than I thought.

  Levi: I wish I could say it will never happen again but...

  Kendall: Don’t make a promise you can't keep. I should have known we weren't exclusive. It's my fault Lol.

  Levi: Don't blame yourself. This is on me. I take full responsibility. Are you willing to have a non-exclusive texting relationship?

  Kendall: Is that what you want?

  Levi: That's all I can handle right now.

  Kendall: Okay, I'll give it a try. Just know that if you can text other people so can I.

  Levi: Ouch. That stings a little.

  Kendall: It will hurt even more now.

  Levi: Why is that?

  Kendall: Because now is the time I reveal I was text cheating on you our entire texting relationship, too.

  Levi: Betrayal. Pure Betrayal.

  ***

  Kendall: You're not going to believe what was on TV when I woke up this morning.

  Kendall: I'll give you a hint.

  Kendall: I invented Post-its.

  Kendall: I haven't seen this in years. It's even funnier than I remember.

  Kendall: Well I just wasted two hours of my life. I'll stop texting you since you clearly have better things to do. Lol

  ***

  Levi: Sorry about the late response. Wish I could have watched it.

  Kendall: That's okay. You probably had better things to do than waste a morning watching a movie.

  Levi: It's been a long time since I was able to relax and watch a movie at the same time. I may watch a lot of TV but it's usually background noise while I'm busy doing
other things. Two hours to relax sounds nice.

  Kendall: Why don't you do it now?

  Levi: Can't. Just woke up and have things to do.

  Kendall: Anything I can help with?

  Levi: No. I'll just talk to you tonight.

  Chapter Eight

  Kendall

  Monday. Glorious Monday. While most of the world loathes this day, I welcome it. It's the start of two wonderful days off now that my schedule has changed. While most love their weekends off, I wouldn't change my days off for the world. I can take care of my personal life without having to wonder if the doctor, dentist, bank, or store is open. It's easier to shop and get in for an appointment because most people are working.

  My days off are also great because now I have the same schedule as Levi. It just makes sense since he's the only member of the security team I like walking me out. When I ran the idea of having the same days off as Levi by Noah, he agreed. This was right after he warned me that if I make Levi uncomfortable and he reports me for sexual harassment, the consequence is termination. At the time I thought his comment was over the top but now it's just funny.

  Levi doesn't know the reason for my new schedule and if he found out it might make the friendship we've developed over the last few days awkward. I swear I didn't change my schedule to seduce him. My schedule needed to be changed because he's the only one in security I trust completely.

  Now that I've had time to digest the extremely personal part of his life he shared with me, I'm still not sure how I feel about it. It's not every day I hear a healthy male in his twenties is voluntarily abstaining from sex. After the cab driver dropped me off at home that night I spent an hour searching Google to see if his life choice was healthy, and another hour searching for him on social media because I'm still not convinced he doesn't have a secret account somewhere. When both searches were complete I found out abstaining from sex is perfectly healthy (disappointing because I was looking forward to finding evidence to show Levi that he needs to have sex), and Levi doesn't have a social media account I don't know about.

  The next couple nights at work could have been awkward but instead we were more comfortable with each other than we have ever been. I even managed to tease him a little about the entire thing. I mean, really, it must be hard doing what he does when he's around beautiful women every night.

  That's assuming his confession is true. As much as I'd like to think differently, I don't know him that well. My lack of knowledge causes ridiculous theories to run through my head. My mind is reeling with follow-up questions to ask him once I have the nerve to approach the subject. The most recent theory and the one I can't shake is that he's lying.

  I know, I know. One minute I believe the guy and the next I think he's full of shit. But really, what guy do you know that would turn a woman's offer down for sex after he hasn't gotten laid in five years?

  It just doesn't happen.

  He must have a girlfriend and for some reason–like maybe she has sixteen toes, harbors a love for horse manure, and is Nickelback's biggest fan–he's embarrassed to talk about her.

  It's exhausting to think this way and if I stay home all day these thoughts will fester. I'll have him married with twelve kids and a secret sex addiction by the end of the night. So instead I spend the day out.

  I hit up a parabolic class with Skye before dropping my clothes off at the dry cleaner. Then I stop at the pharmacy for my birth control prescription and mascara, withdraw some cash from the ATM, and then Uber it over to Brooklyn. There's supposed to be a fantastic farmer's market on Mondays that I've been dying to check out. Skye was supposed to come with me but snuck away for a late lunch with Noah instead.

  I can't even be mad at her because if I had a husband like Noah I'd let him eat his late lunch off my body if he wanted to.

  When I pull up to the intersection of the farmer's market the street is packed. The road is blocked off and there are tables and tents lined down each side of the street with everything from food, to flowers, and homemade soap. It's exactly how I imagined it.

  I hope I withdrew enough cash.

  I hit the soap table first, smelling the different scents of each bar and finding a new natural deodorant to experiment with. After purchasing the deodorant and half a dozen bars of soap, I move to the next table. I plan on checking out every table before leaving here. I have a feeling this will be my new Monday ritual.

  Several tables later I have two canvas bags filled with goodies. I've bought organic fruits and vegetables, fresh eggs, and a marble hand-knitted scarf. I pass the few tables filled with beautiful flowers, deciding to purchase some next time. I've spent too much already today as it is.

  As I make my way through the crowd of people my eyes are drawn to a little boy. He's wearing a blue t-shirt and athletic pants with a baseball glove tucked inside the waistband. His coarse brown hair with strands of auburn is curly and his stunning green eyes hypnotize me. He has a warm olive complexion with a dusting of light freckles across the bridge of his nose, and when he smiles it's infectious.

  But that's not why he has my attention.

  I'm watching him because he's speaking to a young woman with his hands. I've never seen sign language before. The effortless way his hands move as his face is lit with animated expressions makes me wish I knew what he was saying. I have a feeling he has a lot of wonderful things to say.

  The woman communicates back with him just as fluently and then she turns to the vendor and verbally asks for three sandwiches. The boy remains silent and it's then that I realize she's hearing and he's deaf. I continue to watch their interaction. I'm fascinated with the beauty in the way they sign, just as I am when I hear two people speaking in a foreign language. The diversity here is one of the many things I love about New York.

  Knowing it's time for me to leave and stop intruding on these people's lives, I reach for my phone and request my Uber. I look up to peek at the little boy one more time and I'm knocked sideways by what I see. Levi is there. My Levi. Security for Forbidden Desires...THAT LEVI!

  He is saying something to the woman while at the same time signing with his hands. The woman rolls her eyes and the little boy laughs. They both lift up their hands and high five as the woman squeezes past them and grabs the sandwiches from the vendor.

  I know I should look away but I can't stop watching.

  Levi takes out his wallet and pays the guy while the little boy starts eating his sandwich. The woman sticks her sandwich in her purse while continuing to talk to Levi. Then she bends down in front of the little boy and signs something before leaning in and kissing the top of his head. She walks away and my eyes follow her as I try to grasp what I just witnessed.

  He lied to me. He said he was abstinent, yet all along he's had a kid and a wife.

  Asshole.

  My eyes flicker back to where they were standing before and they're still there in front of the booth, only this time Levi is looking directly at me.

  I can do one of two things. I can dart out of here like The Flash and pray to God my Uber hasn't ditched me, or I can walk over there with confidence and strike up a conversation, gloating because I caught him in a lie. There really is no debate. I like to gloat.

  Smiling in their direction I make my way over to where Levi and the little boy are standing. "I didn't expect to run into you over here."

  "I live a few blocks over." He says it as if I should know this, but how could I? Getting personal information out of him is harder than getting the truth out of a politician.

  "Oh, I didn't know."

  "Why are you on this side of town?"

  His question makes me feel guilty for some reason but I have nothing to feel guilty about. I had no idea he would be here. "I've been hearing about this farmer's market for a long time. Skye was supposed to come with me today but bailed on me last-minute so I came by myself."

  "Oh."

  I glance down at the little boy and his eyes are flickering back and forth between Levi and me as h
e eats his sandwich. Just a few moments ago Levi was talking and signing simultaneously and with me he's only speaking. The little boy has no idea what our conversation is about.

  "Aren't you going to introduce me?" I ask as I gesture to the little boy who's even more beautiful up close.

  "I don't think so."

  "Damn, okay. That's kind of rude."

  "I don't introduce him to my friends–especially female friends."

  "Yeah, don't want him telling his mom you're talking to other women."

  "His mom." He shakes his head and then asks, "What are you talking about?"

  "The woman who was with you before."

  "That's not his mom. That's his nanny. Laura's been his nanny since he was a baby."

  I sigh in relief and can't mask my victorious grin. "I didn't know."

  "How could you? You like to assume the worst of me."

  Before I can respond he's signing to the little boy again. The boy signs back and then Levi says, "Kendall, this is Brody. Brody, this is Kendall." He's signing and speaking simultaneously again and I've never been more attracted to him than I am in this moment.

  "Brody is my son."

  "I kind of figured." When I thought the man had a secret I never thought it was a son. I just thought he was lying about keeping it in his pants.

  Brody signs again and Levi laughs. "He thinks you're pretty."

  "Tell him I think he's handsome. A real catch."

  They sign back and forth and I can't help feeling out of the loop. It sucks not being able to communicate with them right now but I'm in awe with how natural they are together. It's a reminder of how little I know about Levi.

  "Does Noah know you have a son?"

  "Of course he does."

  "I can't believe he didn't tell me."

  "Why would he tell you? It's a private part of my life and not his story to tell."