The Road To Forgiveness Read online

  Sebastian looks at him blankly, “No. I was married so it would look bad if I was also a member of a dating company.”

  Right. Who needs The Millionaire Matchmaker when you can have a temp agency bring you your women?

  “Something funny?” Sebastian asks me. I didn’t realize I was laughing.

  “No, nothing at all. I was just thinking that I’m sure the rich and powerful have their ways at getting their fill of beautiful women. I mean you don’t have to necessarily go through a dating site.”

  Sebastian narrows his eyes at me while keeping his lips shut to suppress a smile. He knows what I’m insinuating.

  “It’s like a whole different world,” Jonathon says as he drifts off in his thoughts. “I think if I was a millionaire I wouldn’t need a matchmaker. I’d just go to the nearest club, announce I was filthy rich, and see who offered me a blowjob first.”

  Sometimes Jonathon was the perfect distraction… but like all distractions, eventually they leave and you have to stand up and deal with the real issues.

  “I’m going to go home and figure out how to make my first million. How did you do it Sebastian? Never mind. I’m sure it was the hard working, honest way and I don’t have time for that. Maybe I’ll rob a bank. Actually, I don’t know… that could be a lot of work. I’ll go home and figure this out and then call you in the morning, Mia.”

  I go over and give him a hug. “Thanks for being here today. You are the best friend a girl could ask for.”

  He releases me while keeping his hands on my shoulders.

  “We’re besties now? Does this mean we can do each other’s hair and talk about how big your billionaire baby daddy’s di-“

  I cut him off before he can finish the sentence, “Goodbye, Jonathon. Maybe tomorrow we can talk about where my reserved, loved being in a committed relationship, friend went.”

  His eyes get a little emptier as he responds in almost a whisper, “That one’s easy, he’s with Cameron in Seattle.”

  My heart breaks for my friend. I give him another hug before we say goodbye again and he walks out of the hotel room. Leaving me alone with Sebastian.

  Chapter Six

  I walk into the bathroom and close the door. I know I’m being a coward but I need a breather before I go back into the bedroom. Sebastian will be waiting for me and he will want to have a talk that I am not prepared for.

  I wash my face with soap and water. I grab Sebastian’s toothpaste and apply it onto my fingertip. I change my mind when I spot Sebastian’s toothbrush. I can’t explain it but I want to feel closer to him, and the little eight inch stick with bristles on the end is calling out to me.

  I take the toothpaste from my finger and apply it onto the brush. After I wet the toothbrush, I put it into my mouth and start to brush a days worth of grime off my teeth. The act feels very intimate. Like I am solidifying my relationship with him even though he is not in the room with me.

  I rinse and spit and then dry my mouth off with the hotel towel. I take a long look at myself in the mirror. My hair is pulled back in a ponytail; my face looks pale with no make-up, my eyes hallowed out with dark circles underneath. I look like a shadow of myself. I look like the woman who walked into Sebastian’s office on that August morning.

  Once Sebastian and I got together, I looked happier. My eyes were a little brighter, I smiled more, my face was fuller, and I almost glowed.

  Almost.

  I still had the inner pain that I dealt with every day. The pain of losing my son. The one person I let down the most in the world. But Sebastian, Sebastian helped me forget a little… helped me move on, helped me heal… or so I thought. In reality I wasn’t healed and that was proven the moment I found out I was pregnant.

  Instead of dealing with the pregnancy, talking it out, and coming up with a mature solution with Sebastian, I ran like I always do. In the end… I wasn’t better at all.

  I leave the bathroom and head into the hotel bedroom where Sebastian is sitting on the edge of the bed. His elbows are on his knees and his hands are clasped together while his head is down. He looks exhausted.

  He looks up as he hears me enter the room. We look at each other for a few moments, neither of us willing to start a conversation that would inevitably end in an argument. He reaches a hand out to me in a gesture for me to come to him. I go to him, seeking the comfort of his arms.

  Once I am seated on his lap with my head in his neck he rocks me gently. I feel almost child-like in his arms. He gently caresses my back as he kisses my head. I don’t want to be the first to speak, to break this beautiful moment, but I need to.

  “Sebastian,” I say quietly into his neck.

  “Shh, no talking. I just want to be here with you. I want to hold you in my arms for as long as possible before I have to hear the words that will break my heart.”

  I look up into his eyes and see the sadness pouring out of them. He knows what I want to say and he isn’t willing to hear it as much as I am not willing to say it.

  “Okay,” I whisper as I lay a kiss on his neck. As tired as I am, I need to kiss him. Need to be with him. This will most likely be our last night together and I need to make the most of it.

  I continue to place open mouth kisses on his neck, swiping my tongue briefly over his pulse before sucking gently on his skin. His arms tighten around my waist as I bring my arms up and around his neck. My hands grip into his hair and pull him closer to me. I trail kisses up his neck and to his chin, nibbling at his five o’clock shadow. My mouth drifts over and I kiss the edge of his mouth, biting the corner of his lip gently.

  Sebastian grunts loudly as I feel him stir below my ass. He wants me as bad as I want him. I move my mouth over and capture his lips in an intense, slow kiss. His reaction is immediate as he takes over control of the kiss. His lips overpower mine as his tongue enters my mouth. Our tongues tangle together as the kiss grows hungrier, neither of us getting enough.

  I turn my body so that I am facing Sebastian. My legs straddle his hips as he sits further into the bed. He reaches behind my back and pulls my body to his again. Our lips connect as he sucks and pulls on my lower lip with his teeth. I moan into his mouth, He has me so hot for him. He could kiss me like this forever and it would never be enough.

  His hips start to thrust upward and I can feel his erection teasing my core. I start to grind down on him, needing the contact. I’m about to come just from this action alone. Sebastian must be able to sense this because he starts thrusting harder and within seconds I am calling his name and coming hard in my panties.

  He picks me up from under my ass and flips me on the bed. I watch him, mesmerized by his movements as he removes his clothing. First his shirt, then his pants and sock, until he is left in just his boxer briefs. The tent in his boxers is hard and long and I can feel my walls pulsing, waiting for him to be inside me.

  He slowly lowers his boxers, never breaking eye contact with me. Once he is completely naked he comes over to the foot of the bed and lifts one of my feet. He places my foot on his chest and slowly removes my sock.

  It’s the simplest of acts but Sebastian is making it slow, sensual, and completely erotic. He kisses my instep before placing my foot down and repeating this with my other foot. His palms grip my ankles and slowly make their way up my legs, above my jeans. He gently squeezes as her reaches my thighs. Then he traces a finger up my inner thigh until her reaches my core. His whole hand takes over as he cups me through my jeans and his thumb moves to rub me through the layers of my clothing. Just as my release starts to build again he lets go and moves his hand to the button of my jeans. He slowly takes my pants off, then my panties.

  His hands move up and under my sweater to tease me over my bra. My nipples are instantly hard. Sebastian is taking his time, every move is well thought out and I am so horny, I think I might explode.

  My hands moves to take hold of him but as soon as I touch his cock, he grabs my hands and lifts them over my head.

  “Not yet,” he
whispers in my ear. “We have all night, Honey.”

  I let out a groan in frustration. I just want to touch and pleasure this beautiful man and he isn’t allowing it. It’s completely frustrating yet turning me on even more.

  His hands move to the bottom of my sweater as he lifts it up and over my head. He throws it somewhere on the floor as his body covers mine. His mouth lowers to my chest as he licks and kisses my breasts. He lowers the cups of my bra and takes my hard nipple into his mouth while one of his hands pinch my other nipple.

  My breast start to tingle as the sensation below grows stronger. I might come again with out him even penetrating me. My breath becomes uneven as both of Sebastian’s hands start to squeeze and rub my breasts. I can feel his mouth moving lower on my stomach as my breasts continue to be stimulated.

  So many sensations are happening at once and I don’t know which ones to concentrate on first. His mouth moves lower until I feel his mouth suck my clit. I instantly feel the pressure build as my entire body starts to shiver. Sebastian starts to suck and bite until I’m ready to explode. His tongue starts to make slow circles around my clit. I can barely breath, my face is hot and my hands have a death grip on the sheets. He flicks my nub one last time and I explode on his tongue. Thrashing and moaning his name.

  “I love you… I love you so much. You’re everything to me, Mia,” he says as he lifts his head and looks up at me from between my legs. I can barely focus. My orgasm was so intense I am literally seeing spots.

  “I love you, too,” I pant as I’m still coming off the high of the second intense orgasm he gave me tonight.

  “You’re so responsive,” he says as he kisses his way up my body. “I love that you react to every touch I give you. Your body craves mine and my body craves yours.”

  His mouth moves to my breasts, and as if my body is agreeing with his, my nipples harden again as soon as his mouth makes contact.

  “We’re perfect for each other, Mia. I’ve felt it since the day you walked into my office. I just need for you to feel it too.”

  His mouth moves up to mine as he takes me in a slow kiss.

  What he doesn’t know is that I did feel it, too. I’ve known from the very beginning he is different and I’ve known from the very first night we made love that we are meant for each other. The problem is, knowing something is true doesn’t mean you should act on it.

  If we had met before Miles died then maybe we would have a chance. Maybe I would get my happily ever after. Maybe everything I went through in the beginning wouldn’t matter at all.

  The reality is I met him after Miles death. We still could have worked it out but the pregnancy changed things. I can’t raise this baby. My four weeks away from him changed my thinking a little bit but not completely. Every day of my pregnancy makes me want my child a little more, but in the end it would feel like I was betraying Miles. I couldn’t have that.

  Sebastian moves his hips over mine and before I have time to think he is thrusting inside me. He feels incredible inside me.

  “Oh…. Sebastian… Yes!”

  “I love you, baby,” Sebastian says with his head between my breasts.

  He’s moving at a leisurely place. Every time he thrusts deep, he circles his hips before pulling out of me. It’s amazing and I never want it to end. Its also torture.

  I can feel the slow build up of another orgasm on the horizon but I know if he keeps up this pace I won’t be able to take it. My body won’t be able to handle the intensity.

  “Harder, I need it harder,” I breathe out while looking down at him.

  He kisses his way up to my ear, as he whispers, “No. Nice and slow, baby. I want it slow.”

  I groan in frustration as he keeps up his leisurely pace. His lips moved to mine as he kisses me deeply, sucking my tongue into his mouth. It feels incredible. My body is shaking and my limbs are beginning to tingle all over. My body can’t take much more.

  I squeezed his dick with my pussy. Milking him over and over again in hopes he will loose control. Lucky for me, he does.

  “Yes, “I think internally as he starts to pound harder and harder in me. I start to feel dizzy as my pussy is preparing for the most earth shattering orgasm of my life. Sebastian thrusts one more time with a deep groan as he started to come inside me. My body shoots over the edge as my orgasm takes over and I start milking every last drop of Sebastian’s release. Neither of us speaks. We can’t. It’s the craziest sexual experience I have had with him. Every time with him is the best but this time is record book sex. I know no one has ever experienced the connection Sebastian and I just had. I’m completely sated.

  As my breathing starts to calm down, Sebastian moves us both until we are lying under the sheets. I drape my arm over his chest as he lifts my leg and placed it over his body. There is no post-sex awkward conversation, no meaningful looks. We both lay contently, basking in the silence until we both drift off to sleep.

  *****

  “Mommy, help me.”

  I was running through my house. I could here his voice but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from.

  “Where are you, Mommy? I need you.”

  I opened the door to every room in the hallway. He wasn’t in any of the rooms. I ran back to the kitchen to see if I had missed something. I checked the cabinets, the pantry and under the table.

  “Save me, Mommy. Why aren’t you saving me?"

  “Where are you, Miles,” I screamed

  All of a sudden I hear a thud and tires screech from outside the front of the house. I run out the front door as I see a car speed down the road.

  “Miles… Miles are you out there?”

  I don’t hear anything.

  I start to panic as I race around looking for him. My heart stops. Miles is lying in the middle of the road, covered in his own blood. His dead eyes are locked on mine.

  “No!” I scream as I fall on to my knees on my front lawn. Tears start to overflow my eyes as I stare at my son’s lifeless body.

  “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I kept you home today. You shouldn’t have died.” I stand up and run over to his lifeless body. I brush his hair out of his face as I sob uncontrollably.

  “Why? Why did you still die? I did it right this time. Why…”

  My eyes shoot open with panic. I momentarily forget where I am. I look around the dark room with no recognition until my eyes land on Sebastian. He is sound asleep next me. My heart starts to calm down as my breathing starts to slow from my nightmare. I’ve been having them every night since I got back to Georgia.

  I look past Sebastian at the clock and it’s a little after four in the morning. I’m covered in sweat and I know I will not be able to fall back asleep on the damp sheets. I look over at Sebastian one last time. His worry lines aren’t as prominent on his face when he sleeps. He looks angelic.

  I get out of bed as quietly as I can and make my way over to the sitting area. I decide to turn on the television. I need some form of distraction. I lower the volume and search for something entertaining. Unfortunately, this is a difficult task at four in the morning. I find Nick at Night and they are airing old episodes of Roseanne. I loved this show growing up. Granted, I was watching re-runs then, too, but I loved the fact that she showed a lifestyle I was used to. No one in my town had money so it was good to see a show that resembled my part of America.

  I’m three episodes in and I hear a noise come from the bedroom. I look up and see Sebastian heading over my way. He looks perfect as usual in just his boxer briefs and a grin.

  “Did I wake you?"

  “No, it’s almost six. This is the usual time I wake up, remember?”

  I smile at his response not knowing what else to say. We have pushed the conversation off long enough and today we need to have it.

  “Do you want to get ready for the day and get some breakfast?” Sebastian asks me.

  “I can’t. I’m having breakfast with Charlie. It’s kind of our thing.” This was true. Charlie was a
breakfast person so when we went out to eat, it was for breakfast. food

  I text him during the first episode of Roseanne, seeing if he wants me to pick him up around nine. He had responded with a ‘yes’ a few minutes before Sebastian woke up.

  “Oh… well, I guess maybe you and I should have our talk before you go.”

  I swallowed back the bile that started to come up. No matter how long I had, I would never be prepared for this conversation.

  “I’m divorcing Marcy,” Sebastian says throwing me completely off my train of thought. Out of all the ways I saw this conversation going, him telling me he was divorcing Darcy was not one of them.

  I stare at him with wide eyes. Part of me is over the moon with happiness and the other part of me is terrified. Terrified that there will be absolutely nothing to stop him from getting what he wants.

  Me.

  “Umm… okay. When did you decide this?” I ask because it is the logical question to follow with.

  He is hesitant to answer. He comes over and sits down next to me on the sofa. I start to fidget nervously so he gently places his hand on my knee, to comfort me.

  “I’d been thinking about it for awhile now, ever since that night in your room when we watched Clueless. When you left me…” he pauses as if the words physically hurt him to say. “I thought you had left me because I was married. We were happy. It was the only thing that made sense to me in my head. I called Darcy and told her I wanted a divorce.

  “She was very understanding and we put a rush on the paperwork. All I need to do is signs some papers to make it official. It would already be official if I had shown up to one of the many meetings we scheduled, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave here without seeing you.”

  My hand moves on its own accord and intertwines with his.

  “Why are you telling me this? It doesn’t change anything, Sebastian.”

  “It might… I want you, Mia. I want you forever… as my wife, as my lover and as the mother of my child. We can make this work and I promise, if you take a chance on me, you will never regret it.”